I Roomed with a Muggle: Tips for Living with Non-Magical People
By Faith von Adams

When my roommate J.D. (not her real name) moved in on April Fool's day 2002, it never occurred to me that my lifestyle would be an issue. We'd known each other for years; J.D. was aware that I cast spells; I knew that she believed that beer often made her hips spread. I assumed that since I had no objection to her spouting Nietzsche, she wouldn't mind if I offered tarot readings to her friends. I was wrong.

Although I'm very open about my beliefs, I've never pressed them on anyone, so when J.D. asked me questions, I was more than willing to talk about Paganism, Wicca and the like. I also believe that my practice and space are sacred, so during times when I felt I needed complete silence, I retired to my room. J.D. often knocked on my door if she smelled incense or heard me chanting. And at first, this was okay.

But as the months wore on, I became weary of her questions and of her lack of respect for my possessions and privacy. My roommate showed no genuine interest in my practice, and I came to suspect that she saw my Paganism as a joke. She handled my tarot cards, used my incense and stole the charms I had carefully hidden around my room. I didn't feel secure enough to perform rituals or to chant, and my meditation suffered. As much as I liked J.D., I knew I had to put my foot down. But how could I do that and still keep the peace? After many days of deliberation, we resolved many of our differences. Along the way, I came up with some ideas about how to handle such situations with grace and tact (at least most of the time).

1. Be prepared to answer questions.
There are still many myths and fallacies about the magical lifestyle that any possible homemate may have heard. Be prepared to set the record straight - but only if you're dealing with someone open enough to actually want the answers. Be honest and forthcoming; don't be preachy or defensive.

2. No proselytizing, please.
When we're happy with our lives, we tend to want to share our good fortune with others. The peace and self-awareness that the magickal lifestyle often brings is something that should be shared in appropriate situations. This doesn't mean attempting to sway your roommate into changing his beliefs; whatever his path it's not your job to convert him to yours.

3. Make differing philosophies a non-issue.
I don't dwell on my witchyness any more than J.D. harps on being a rockergrrrl. These are distinct parts of our personalities that help to make us into the people we are; there's more to us than witchcraft and Metallica. Use the things that make you different to bring you together - not tear you apart.

4. Cultivate your sense of humor.
Last year, Samhain trumpeted the six-month mark of J.D.'s moving in with me. In honor of the occasion, we threw a Halloween party. With my tongue firmly in my cheek (and wearing stereotypes on my sleeve) I dressed up as a "witch." Many of our guests marveled at my green skin and pointed black hat. I observed that friends of J.D. who had previously been uncomfortable around me loosened up noticeably. When they saw that I didn't take myself completely seriously, we all had a wonderful time.

5. Avoid unnecessary lifestyle changes.
Many of our conflicts arose from differences in our respective upbringings. While J.D. was raised in a house full of siblings and activity, I was an only child, accustomed to privacy and silence. I explained that I would feel uncomfortable hiding my tools, cards and candles, or locking my door. J.D. admitted that she hadn't realized just how much she was infringing upon my privacy. She promised to knock before entering my private space and to ask before borrowing things that did not belong to her.

6. Be inclusive.
When I decided that I wanted to grow my own herbs, J.D., who is a whiz in the kitchen, expressed interest. Growing an herb garden is something the two of us do together; I use the herbs for making charms, oils and incenses, while my roommate experiments with food preparation. Sharing this activity has brought about many conversations about Paganism, organic food and natural living. Invite your housemate to participate in your craft whenever you feel it's appropriate. Light meditation, yoga and divination works are good ways to teach him more about your world. He may have some hobbies or ideas to share with you as well.

7. Remember the Rule of Three.
Never allow anger or grief to force you into making bad decisions. If you've tried all of these ideas and your living situation is still going downhill, make other arrangements. Move out or ask your roommate to leave. Don't be tempted to cast spells or use devious means to "force" the situation; nature truly does know best. (Rule of Three is: "What you do magically comes back to you three times more strongly." Think of it as the "Golden Rule" on steroids.)

Adapting to a new living situation requires patience, compromise and understanding. But differences don't have to mean broken friendships or hurt feelings. While it is my sincere hope that every witch finds herself in a comfortable living situation, life is not always that easy. Use these techniques as a guide to work things out before your living situation gets out of hand.

Faith von Adams is a writer witch with a kitty named Lion and a limited wardrobe. She makes her home in Brooklyn, NY.